The Serin Mystique, Volume 4, Issue 5|
Hello, all you curious Serins. It's your friendly neighborhood halfling1) Rumor Control (see scandal1, scandal2, scandal3, pirates)
Belbris here, bringing around the latest issue of the Serin Mystique. I
got the task of putting this thing together dumped in my lap by Vanisse
(yes, really is that lazy), so if the book starts falling apart at the
bindings, don't blame me, this is my first time putting a Mystique together.
We, the Heralds, hope you enjoy the writing. I'm sure you either will, or
we'll be getting lots of requests for refunds - but since the money's all
going to be blown on whisky and gambling, good luck getting it out of us!
2) The Battlefront (see Battles, WorvazVora, Beating, GoodDeed, Squire)
3) The Hope-ituaries (see Hopeituary)
4) Randomlings (see Mindthings)
5) The Cabal Corner (see Cabals, update)
6) Invasion of the Vam-Beings (see Vampire, Vambeer)
7) The Serin Spotlight (see Butterfly, Secretlife, Tail)
Your favorite Heralds
1) Rumor Control
Moo interview follow:
[Anonymous] says to you 'For a small fee, I might inform you of
knowledge of a brewing war.'
Moo say 'Moo give book.'
Moo say 'Book cost 700 gold.'
[Anonymous] gives you 700 gold.
[Anonymous] says to you 'Is moo interested in the brewings of war?'
Moo say 'Moo already give.'
Moo say 'Is in [Anonymous] hands.'
[Anonymous] says 'I just gave you seven hundred gold.'
Moo say 'Moo see.'
Moo say 'Moo confuse.'
Moo say '[Anonymous] moo confuse, moo give book, moo get money, but what
[Anonymous] wanted tell moo?'
Moo nudge [Anonymous] with moo massive head.
[Anonymous] raises an eyebrow at you.
Moo stand up.
Moo say 'What [Anonymous] wanted tell moo?'
[Anonymous] says to you 'Is there a place we can talk?'
Moo beckon for [Anonymous] to follow -- sure hope they do!
[Anonymous] now follows you.
Moo take [Anonymous] to private place.
Moo say 'Moo.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'I expect completely anounimity in the matter.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'Any divulging of my name will result in
Moo say 'Moo.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'I have word from many well known sources, who
they themselves wish to remain anounymous, that the Knights of Valour
gossip to war with the Justices because a Justice married a Squire and
[Anonymous] says to you 'I have word that Adaeni has never liked said
Squire and has made repeated attempts to have him cast away from his
Squireship because of a foul word uttered in frustration.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'And that by marrying this Squire to his new
wife, that it enraged Adaeni because it gave "hope" to the Squire.'
Moo say 'Int that mean? Int knight not sposed be mean?'
[Anonymous] says to you 'I have word from a Knight of Valour that Adaeni
has been enraged because the new Executor has "lavished more attention
on this budding - yet misguided - Squire than the General."'
Moo say 'Int knight not sposed get jealous? Wouldn't Knight God be mad
[Anonymous] says to you 'It's been said that Groq doesn't know.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'It's also been stated by several of the other
Knights that Adaeni only started this war with the guise of "striking
back at Lonova" because it was the only way to legitimize the War.' Moo
say 'Maybe some should tell knight God, think?'
[Anonymous] says 'He'll be alerted next he wakes up.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'Still. There's even more.'
Moo say 'Moo?'
[Anonymous] says to you 'Yes, my Mahn-Torian friend, more.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'Howver, before I continue with the next scandal
- one where a current Knight seduced a Squire promising sexual favors
for assistance - would it be too....wrong of me to discuss possible
payment for my information?'
Moo say 'Oh, is fine.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'I'm saving gold, as best I can, to try and
become a Noble.'
Moo say 'Moo.'
Moo say 'Moo is poor herald, not able pay much.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'As sneaky as it seems, I feel that Serin
deserves to know about the happenings in Valour.'
Moo say 'Moogree.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'How much could you offer as a retainer.' Moo
rumage through your pockets for loose change.
Moo say 'Moo spent all money on potion for ranking, have little left.'
Moo say 'Moo have bout 5000 gold left.'
[Anonymous] says 'Would you be willing to part with that as a retainer
Moo say 'Moo?'
Moo say '[Anonymous] want gold now?'
[Anonymous] says 'A retainer fee means that I will be held and compelled
to offer you knowledge when you inquire of it concerning matters of
Moo think long and hard about the issue.
[Anonymous] says to you 'It would be nice, but not necessary.'
Moo think long and hard about the issue.
[Anonymous] says to you 'Just your word that I'll get the retainer fee
will be enough.'
Moo say 'Ifs [Anonymous] have more information on war, moo pay.'
Moo focus all moo bovine Zen on [Anonymous], and speak moo thoughts.
[Anonymous] says 'I have information concerning a sexual scandal in
(Continued in scandal3)
[Anonymous] says 'And I can get more information on the War if I become
a Noble, which is my end goal.'
Moo say 'Moo...'
Moo say 'Moo give half now, moo give other half at end, moo?'
[Anonymous] says 'If you wish, or all at the end.'
Moo say 'That then.'
Moo say 'Moo listen.'
[Anonymous] says 'Cyrinidel Lindai, the new Footwoman of Valour, has
been heard and seen attempting to seduce one of the Squires for favors,
such as armor, weapons, hunting mates, etc, etc.'
Moo say 'Moo?'
[Anonymous] says 'Making such heard comments as, "If you help me, I'm
sure there's something special I could do for you." and then grouping
[Anonymous] says 'Such statements have also been made such as, "If you
hunt with me, and please me, I will see to it you are Knighted."'
Moo say 'Moo...'
Moo think long and hard about the issue.
[Anonymous] says to you 'Not much now, but the sooner I get into the
Palace, the sooner you start to get good information.'
Moo say 'Is that all now?'
Moo say 'Is nothing else [Anonymous] have say?'
[Anonymous] says to you 'Not at the moment, but remember, my name will
be mentioned in no report.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'I'll speak ONLY TO YOU on matters concerning
Moo say 'Moo.'
Moo say 'Moo understand.'
Moo give [Anonymous] 5000 gold.
[Anonymous] says to you 'I hope you do. For I'll not be pleased if I
find out anything other.'
Moo say 'Moo.'
Moo say 'Moo need tell other herald though, but not use elf name.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'See to it that it gets into the next issue of
the Serin Mystique, or, you could republish the latest.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'That is fine. Tell whom you need to tell.'
Moo say 'Moo.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'But my name is never mentioned.'
[Anonymous] says to you 'That is why I have not given you my name.'
[Anonymous] winks suggestively at you.
[Anonymous] says 'Now.'
[Anonymous] says 'Shall we depart this area?'
[Anonymous] says 'I have some things that need doing.'
Moo say 'Moo.'
Moo stand up.
Moo open the door south of moo.
[Anonymous] waves happily.
[Anonymous] stops following you.
Moo think dis very serious, needed let other Herald know.
(Read about pirates)
Greetings to you all!
Well today I came across an "Anonymous Sentinel" that informed me of a
great rumor of the past. We felt everyone needed to at least hear them
so I write. It is a story of the two latest uninductions from the group
of evils known as the Legion! Now, apparently it all begins with their
system of promotions! I hear they all gather themselves on the Marauder,
strip down, and play a game with Ronus, known as "Naked Pirates". Now,
Ronus has VERY strict rules of how the game runs. He is ALWAYS the
Pirate. Well, one day Yamal and Zemnahn were the only two legions within
Serin, and decided it would be fun just to play Naked Pirates! Of
course, one of them being the pirate. Which one, we will never really
know. In the course of this competition, Ronus himself appeared as was
quite upset they were playing without him! I know I would be too, but I
am super, super smart and would never disobey my leaders! And with that,
he booted them right back on the dirty streets from where they came!
These rumors, of course, may not be true, but it is something for us all
I hope this gossip is a grand thing,
Artos the Miniature Drunkard
2) The Battlefront
A Collection of Battles, by Calram.
1. Knight Fight Legion
This story bout fight tween Knight name Wor and Legion name Vor. Fight
start when Wor go inside legion special place. Vor not want come out
fight, so Wor take legions special super shiny item, and bring back to
Knight castle. This make Vor mad, so Vor go find Wor. Vor get hurt and
try run, but get caught and made dead. Later, Vor go find new clothes,
and try get legion thing back, but made dead gain by Wor. Wor says was
boring fight, and moogree. Moo think maybe if legion learn fight better,
then legions deaths not so boring.
2. "The Chaos of Lokgan" (title lil herald idea)
This fight volve lot of death, and involve Moo! Well, moo was minding
moo business, trying gain rank with lil thin name Fiigy. But then other
moo, name Lokgan, ask why he not in group. Moo tell Lokgan was cuz he
not ask. Lokgan get very angry and tack moo! Moo try run, but Lokgan
follow, so moo drink potion give fuzzy aura and manage kill Lokgan.
Lokgan still angry and go kill lil Fiigy. Then moo think Knights Loreth
and Kaeliwyn get angry at Lokgan for kill nice lil Fiigy, and Knights
and Lokgan start fight. Lokgan die two time, but manage kill Knight
Loreth. Then Lokgan and Fiigy leave world forever. This end of moo
3. Battle Port
This fight involve lots people. Involve Knight name Naiirok, Legions
name Cythlan, Silisssa, Voravith, and elves name Areitre and Drilarese.
Fight start with Silisssa tack elves in Valour. Fight break up and
Silisssa go stand on Knight's path. Then elves go tack Cythlan, and
Naiirok come tack Silisssa on Knights' path. Cythlan kill Drilarese, and
Areitre run away. Fight with Naiirok and Silisssa continue, and Voravith
stop hiding and join Silisssa. But then funny happen, Voravith try
through dust in Naiirok eyes but miss and hit Silisssa. Silisssa die
soon after. Fight break up that point and leave Valour. Later on,
Naiirok die to legion, but moo not see. Moo think legion do very very
good job at have more legion than knights, but need work on aim.
(Read more Battles)
The Legions had brutally and cruelly overtaken Messian earlier, and in
doing so had managed to procure the Holy Cross. When Messian left, there
was no one about to reclaim it, so when Worvaz appeared this became his
Once that was accomplished, Worvaz' second task became readily apparent:
Destroy the remaining Legion, Voravith.
The details aren't really important at this time, as it was a seemingly
predictable outcome. Voravith was dealt with and slain in what appeared
to be a thoroughly effortless manner by Valour's Chumpion, Worvaz. The
strange part of it all actually occurred after Voravith's death, when
Worvaz knelt and kissed the lifeless corpse as it lay on the ground,
still barely warm with fleeting lifeblood.
I really don't know what exactly to make of all this, but suffice it to
say that I've been both intrigued and severely traumatized by today's
events. I can't wait for tomorrow's either.
(Read more Battles)
While I wasn't travelling with the young Knight Messian, I was in the
vicinity long enough to gain intimate knowledge of his demise at the
hands of some vicious members of the Legion. This is the tale of that
Silisssa, being the tempting vixen that she is, somehow snuck her way
into the Castle and managed to snatch the Holy Cross of Valour while
nobody was looking. Having bested the Knight's guardian, she then
slithered (yes, I went there) back to Darkhaven, with Rigwarl and
Voravith close behind. Very, very close behind.
Once the young (and quite lonely) Messian decided to give into his lust
for the extremely agile lizard flesh, he found himself helplessly drawn
to Darkhaven as well, in search of a dual prize: the Holy Cross of
Valour, and the cold- beating heart of his true love, Silisssa.
Having seen the mad longing in Messian's eyes himself, Rigwarl
feverishly plotted a way to keep Messian away from his own true desire,
Silisssa. You see, Rigwarl had admitted to me earlier that he thought of
Silisssa in more than professional means. More particularly, he seemed
to note her teeth and scales. Something about how rough it would be - I
didn't attempt to divulge anything further.
Rigwarl grabbed Voravith, and the two of them hired underlings to defend
Silisssa's honor. When Messian came strolling in with visions of long
moonlit walks and snuggling by the fire with his cold-blooded beauty, he
was met with fierce resistance. And some old gypsies trying to sell
Messian fought the urge to buy the freshly-crochet'ed goods, and instead
refocused his efforts on gaining the affection of the slithering slith
which had his blood boiling. This turned out to be his undoing, however,
as the three Legions' underlings collectively did Rigwarl's bidding, and
stopped Messian in his tracks. Well, in his corpse's tracks, actually.
He was brutally assaulted and his body was broken.
In several places.
Distraught and feeling the pain of true love shunned, Messian decided to
take leave of Darkhaven and return to the warm, all-too-familiar embrace
that Valour's stables had to offer.
Gleefully yours, Belbris
(Read more Battles)
"Where is he?" the drow assassin quietly thought to himself, with his
silvery blue hair catching the soft Seringale wind playfully. Moving
silently, darting from shadow to shadow he quietly moves to the Temple
square, eyes fixated on his prey.
A sly smile creeps slowly on the assassin's face, hidden though by the
red ninja mask. Quietly raising up his staff, he prepares to smash his
target with a sneak attack. Failing the attack, Tonkala skillfully
dodges out of the way and delivers a hit of his own.
The fighting continues, with yells and clashing heard throughout the
city. "YAAaarrrrrgggghhh!!" The minotaur gives his final death cry.
Quickly Artos runs into the room to see the commotion just as the killer
quickly whips out a small blade and carves the corpse's face into a
permanent grin. Looking up momentarily at Artos, the assassin stands up
and puts his hand up to his chest as if it was a manner of last rites
and says coldly, "At least he died with a smile."
Confused and physically ill Artos left the Temple while the assassin
gathered items from the corpse eagerly. "Adesi the Uke at your service",
the young ninja says and then bows respectfully. The ninja's youth and
eagerness moves the cynical killer. "Hmm. Why not. I don't need these
things. Hell, It'll be my good deed for committing this terrible act.".
The ninja gets a monstrous steel pike from the body and drops it on the
floor, gathering some black guard tear equipment and dropping that along
with some enchanted bracers.
Adesi quickly grabs up the armor, happy with his unexpected gifts.
Feeling upbeat the assassin quietly walks out of the temple and departs
for Timaran. "What the?" he says, looking up at the sky suddenly as a
thundering boom is heard over Serin and armor and entrails go scattering
across the lands. Amused and curious the assassin asks the travelers
about, wondering who it was. No one knew. As he finally enters Timaran's
gates he notices Adesi at the Temple of Eternal night.
Confused he makes his way there, to see Adesi sitting there, hurt and
naked. "Was that you who teleported?" he quietly asked the young ninja.
Looking up at the assassin in a stunned and bewildered state Adesi
answers, "Yes, I went and found a catapult in Seringale and then
catapulted into a pumpkin man. Do you think I'll get my equipment back?"
The assassin turns away from Adesi, half way out the Temple doors when
he replies "No, your things are now scattered across the lands" walking
the streets of Timaran, the assassin shakes his head in dismay and
quietly mutters to himself, So much for my good deeds.
Transcribed by Maelein, but not written.
(Read more Battles)
Here's a battle report to top them all.
I set out to hunt dark warriors with Qwayes and one other - the squire
of Jerusai known as Aeronael. I believe the whole thing was actually a
cunning attempt to gain my confidence and trust, as Aeronael seemed to
have other plans in mind.
I decided it would be quickest to take the nexus portal from Timaran to
Enthema, just outside the Keep to D'al Kadar. Funny that neither Qwayes
nor the squire seemed to "know the way", and instead relied on my
overwhelming pathfinding skills to lead us there. A ranger, not knowing
his way. Right.
I opened the portal, and directed the two others to step through. Now
being the "great believer in the common good in all Serins" that I am,
I assumed that both Qwayes and the squire Aeronael would have the common
sense and even the decency to move from the brain bath once they went
through the portal, thus sparing us a big misunderstanding. Apparently I
was proven wrong. Go figure.
As I stepped through the portal, the two were waiting there for me in
ambush. Aeronael began his assault almost immediately, with the confused
Qwayes soon joining him. After a few exchanges, Qwayes regained control
of his mind and realized the wrongfulness of this savage squire's
intentions, and he decided to run away. Whether this was due to his own
conscience, or the sheer fear of my great combative prowess, I don't
I still couldn't fully control myself as I was disoriented from the
nexus portal. The bloodthirsty squire Aeronael found the opportunity to
be quite to his liking, however, and he stood there beating me down even
further, until I could take no more. At last, I fell to his tainted
Perhaps one day the Knights will learn the error of their ways, and
perhaps this squire will find redemption for his poor soul. I doubt
either will come to pass, but without hope, what else do we have?
Gleefully yours, Belbris
3) The Hope-ituaries
The concept is a simple one. Anybody can write an obituary after
someone's already passed on, but it takes true talent (or a serious
grudge) to convince someone to write a premature obituary. Therefore
it's only fitting that we allow Serin to submit their own ideas for
those that they "wish" would finally kick the bucket. I present you with
a sample of a "hope-ituary":
-- Naiirok the Wrath of Nature, Executor of Valour --
Naiirok, that loveable pig. The Holy Pork-Chop. The slice of heavenly
ham that led the Knights of Valour in battle and in song. The valiant
leader that, along with his two other brothers, majestically defeated
the big, bad wolf with his ingenious idea to use brick instead of straw
Yes, this poor hog has now passed on, to eat at the big slop trough in
It seems that little Naiirok was happily prancing along (and I emphasize
the term "prancing") one day outside the confines of the city of Valour,
when suddenly a roving band of sausage-makers drove past in a caravan of
Spying the brave and apparently delicious Executor, the sausage-making
elder stepped down from his seat and wiped the drool from his mouth
while approaching the ill-fated Naiirok. After a few pinches of cheeks
(both of the mouth and the other), the unfortunate came to pass, and
Naiirok was summarily bound and gagged before he could squeal a single
After several minutes of debate, the band of sausage chefs finally came
to a unanimous decision as to how poor Naiirok should be seasoned. A bit
of salt and pepper, as well as some mustard seed to offset his naturally
sweet flavor, and Naiirok was ready to be ground. One swift blow to the
head was all that it took to knock the Executor out, and he was then
separated into quarters and promptly ground into a fine pasty meat.
The band of butchers, their dirty work now done, proceeded to pack
Naiirok's sweetmeats into thin sausage casings, and then hung the
finished product to be dried and cured. While Yuram has yet to confirm
the identity of his sources, he has admitted that the savory product he
sells in his shop is the very same Naiirok that we have all come to
Farewell, Naiirok. You will always be a tasty treat for those of us
Why do clouds look like cotton, but they taste like clouds?
If a tree falls in the forest, does it cry?
Speaking of trees, they're covered in "bark". So how come dog breath
doesn't smell like trees?
I think more animals should reproduce like plants, and vice versa. I
think it would be great to see someone sneeze on someone else, then a
few weeks later lots of people go shooting off that person, burying
themselves in the ground.
If the Knights were food, would they be poisonous or just taste like
If blood is thicker than water, can you disown family members over
Why does my belly button always smell like peanuts?
I watched a turtle crawling along a riverbank the other day. He was
walking along the water, and I was curious to see which way he would go
- either into the water or back up closer to land. I watched this go on
and on for at least half an hour. Finally, after losing interest, I
kicked the turtle and watched his shell skip across the top of the
river. I wonder what that felt like.
5) The Cabal Corner
The current status of the cabals and the Heralds in Serin is as follows:
Immortal - Groq and Jaran
Led by - Executor Naiirok
Followed by - the Knights
Cheered on by - the Nobles
* The Knights are busy killing things that get in their way. That's about it. *
Immortal - Ronus
Led by - Forsaken Rigwarl
Followed by - the Legion
Cheered on by - the Protected
* The Legion are busy killing the Knights and scrambling for more members. *
Immortal - Vhrael
Led by - Absentee Commander Taere
Followed by - the Absentee Justices
Cheered on by - anybody looking to hide in Seringale
* The Justices are all too busy with other things to deal with showing up for duty. *
Immortal - Torkalen and Vanisse
Led by - High Herald Jyra
Followed by - the Heralds
Cheered on by - the Patrons, the vambeers, and everyone reading this
* The Heralds are hard at work writing a follow-up Mystique to this best-seller. *
The Nobles aren't really led by anyone, and they just mingle around with
themselves, thus the lack of their own section.
(Read on for an update)
An Update on Knights
Hail, fair Heralds. I hope all has been well in my leave of two moons or
so. I scribe to you today of an update on Knights. I spoke with Naiirok,
the Executor of Valour, not but a few minutes ago. Within this interview
I gathered the ranks and Knightly business. The current ranks of the
Knights are as follows:
Executor; Naiirok General; Adaeni Champions; Chog and Worvas Knights;
Jerusai, Kavion, Kedenn, and Luminetar Footmen; Cyrinidel, Kaeliwyn,
Loreth, and Messian Five total Squires
With these multiple Knights, they battle valiantly against Legionnaires
and the now corrupt Justices. Now a days, it seems the Legionnaires
cannot hold a battle on their own. It seems that the darkness has to
fight in packs like vermin or weak children. A shame, really. It seems
that all pride and fortitude has escaped the hands of the once proud
Legion of Darkness. As for the Justice of Seringale, there numbers are
few and far between. It seems the only one to frequently, yet not that
frequently, grace the lands with his presence is Zarat. Zarat tries
immensely to keep his Justices under control, but the power granted to
them seems to be going to his subordinates' heads.
Also! One thing to look out for is the uprising of Nobles, once again!
There are a few Nobles walking these realms and a few more to come. Keep
an eye on this story, for it may very well change the future of these
That is all I can scribe for now! Hammy is nagging me for nap time, so I
shall speak with you all soon!
Niubawn the Oh So Handsome Ranger
Hammy the Herald Protector
6) Invasion of the Vam-Beings
Greetings! Today I had the priviledge of interviewing an rare sight
within Serin. A Vampire! I first wish to say he is quite nice, and calm.
I did enjoy this interview but as one of my first, I feel I probably
might have missed a thing or two. But... Let us continue with the
details. I simply started out, perhaps getting a bit of background. So,
while standing on my tippy toes to the best nature to speak with him, I
asked, "Where exactly did you, or any vampire exactly come from!?"
He replied with in a very calm, smooth voice "A Vampire comes from utter
darkness, of course, and heads back there again after he has fed on
enough mortals." That, in my opinion, sounds scary enough! Super, super
"I was only been created days ago, with the touch of an Immortal", was
also added in when I asked about his history.
I informed him of my experience with immortals, "I have never been given
that 'special touch' before, but I have been smited more than once!" I
think I might have even made him chuckle, but he might have held it back
I then started to get to the better stuff, asking him, "What is it like
to feed on people and drink their blood!?"
He replied with "To me it is natural... just as breathing air is for
you, although most of the time it gives me special pleasure like no
mortal could ever feel."
I told him again, an experience of mine... "Once I was fighting somthing
and blood landed on my lips! I didn't like it much at all! It was super,
"It is also the process that gives me pleasure, not only the taste
itself. To see another slowly lose all force of life", he informed me.
Out of curiousity, I wished to know of his status and whom he considered
to be an 'enemy', so I asked him, "As one of the undead, is every
walking thing considered your enemy!?"
"Not nessecarily, but they are all considered my food."
Shocked with this, I felt the urge to know his view on super cute gnomes
like me... "Do you ever feed on... gnomes?!"
"Gnomes are too tiny and too much of a hassle, most of the time." He
replied, as I smiled with relief. Then continued to say "But you should
not feel safe just yet," which just made my jaw drop again! I don't want
to kill a vampire! I don't like to show off my super, super strength
Another curious question came to my head, so I asked, "Since you were
recently created, have you fed on an actual person, or just the mindless
He informed me he hadn't, but was aiming to before our interview but the
person ran quickly, a squire apparently... Then, I wished to know how he
felt of this argument and fighting between us Heralds, and the Knights.
He informed me "If you all slaughter each other there will be less
pleasure for me, but I do enjoy the sight of war."
And on that note, I thanked him for the interview, for I wished to get
to know more of this ongoing thing with the Knights and Heralds. I do
feel he is quite nice, but, just as long as others will be nice to
him... And, well, if he isn't hungry! By the way, his name is
Pricolicion. What a name!
I hope you enjoy it! -Artos the Miniature Investigator
(Read about Vambeer)
A Plague Upon Serin: Vambeers
I know that we've all been troubled with those blood-sucking creeps that
flap around like bats and all that. There have been several sightings of
some of the old ones, like that Wuilan guy, and now even a new one, this
Pricolicion that Artos interviewed. Well that's all well and good, but I
don't think that we're appreciating the real threat that's out there.
I have done some research on my own, and it seems that I have discovered
a new breed of trouble in the realm, and I'm not sure that many will be
able to withstand them. They are known as "vambeers", and I myself am
one of them. If my research is accurate, then so are many of my fellow
The "vambeer" is a creature that, like a vampire, craves and needs a
certain type of fluid in order to live and function properly. The
vambeer will stop at almost nothing in order to obtain this fluid, even
going so far as to beg from others when he can't afford it himself.
This liquid, of course, is alcohol. In any form.
I've seen people kill for it, steal for it, beg for it, even offer to
ridicule themselves publicly for it. It's a real problem, and not
something that I believe Serin will be rid of anytime soon. At least,
not as long as I'm a vambeer myself. The "problem" is for the
non-vambeers that have liquor with them, and don't feel like sharing.
For these idiots, the vambeers will definitely become a problem. Death
will usually be more inviting than the plague of the vambeer.
For starters, the vambeer will probably act as though he (or she) is the
non-vambeer's friend, even if he's not. This is to lull the non-vambeer
into a false sense of calm security and ease of mind. The real purpose
of this is to eventually work one's way into the good graces of the
non-vambeer, only to catch them in a moment of weakness in which the
alcohol can be either stolen or drank without the knowledge of the non-
vambeer. In either case, the goal is to get the alcohol without having
to pay for it.
If this doesn't work, a desperate vambeer may occasionally try something
a bit more drastic, such as whapping the non-vambeer over the head with
a lead-filled sack, in an attempt to knock the non-vambeer out and
ultimately gain the alcohol, again, with no outright cost. Note:
although I use this example, I am not implicating myself as a user of
this method of alcohol procurement, and I will deny any and all such
accusations in which I am implicated as a vambeer who uses such methods.
As to how these creatures are supposedly stopped, there is no known
method as of yet. However, as a general rule of thumb, the best defense
against an attack from any known vambeers is a full container of whisky.
Or rum, or ale, or beer, or wine, or whatever other fermented or
distilled alcoholic beverage you happen to have on your person at the
time. If you're confronted with a demanding vambeer, simply hand over
the jug, barrel or bottle, and walk away slowly. The vambeer will most
likely be too engrossed in their fresh drink to notice you anyway,
especially once they begin enjoying it.
Hopefully the realm will be a safer and much more pleasant place, now
that all of you know how to properly address and deal with the vambeer
population. If you have any questions or need a demonstration on how to
deal with one, please notify your nearest Herald immediately. It takes
all of us working together to keep our towns safe from this threat.
Gleefully yours, Belbris
7) The Serin Spotlight
Super, Super Butterflies!!!
Today I write you of a story! A story of butterflies with an
unbelievable amount of strength! Why do I think that, you ask? Because
they are able to carry one of the biggest giants one can see! Whom!? I
speak of that fatty named Groq! He is, of course, the leader of the
Knights cabal... Now, I feel this is a task we must take serious! One
cannot just simply float around on a carpet of butterflies! I doubt an
army of them could even keep me up in the air, let alone fatty, himself!
I am not trying to exactly poke fun at his hugeness here, but more or
less discuss the butterflies. Today, I simply wished to investigate the
situation, so I beckoned him to get his big butt over to me, as well as
bring me a cookie, because I said so... And I love cookies! Especially
sugar ones! Now, upon seeing him come in and leave, on these
butterflies, I examined them as closely as I could. I could not find any
sign of where they could be from! I asked him, but he was too busy
eating the cookies he was supposed to have gotten for me. He really is
big! I set out to find butterflies, but could only find this cute,
undead one! It wasn't as cute as me of course, since I am super, super
cute! Upon getting back to town, I noticed a bolt streak from the skies,
and it hit Groq right in his obnoxiously huge head! Upon arriving on the
seen, his butterflies came and rescued him again! It is a story that
must be looked into more deeply!
I hope you all find it interesting enough! -Artos the Miniature
For the longest time, many have considered Belbris to be little more
than a Herald with sticky fingers and a sharp tongue, but now, I have
learned the truth. There is far more to that little halfling than meets
As a youth, Belbris found himself entranced by the thought of power,
having it, using it, and otherwise just being powerful. 'If I can
control the dead' he thought 'Then I'll have power, then I'll be
unstoppable.' So, as a youth of no more than 13 years of age, he set
about learning how to summon the dead. Unfortunately for him, even dead
goldfish need water to move around, if not to breath, so his first
summon was a flop.
Eventually, after he suffered seeing all of his beloved friends again
(and in unlife), he dared to try to raise a sentient soul. He would
finally get revenge on the bigger halflings who were always picking on
him. Unfortunately the old, decaying body of his three-times-great
grandmother was no match for the surly youth. 'More bodies, I need more
A year later, he had perfected the art of calling up several zombies at
once, and he was determined this time not to be the laughing stock of
his town. Unfortunately he could not keep the dozens of zombies under
control and they chased after him, angry at being disturbed from their
eternal slumber. The little halfling ran and ran, leading the zombies
away from his town and away from everything he knew. (Zombies cannot
move very fast, but neither can very young and short legged halflings.)
Eventually he had a decent head start. (But only because the zombies
could not run during the day.)
Knowing that he couldn't defend against the zombies by himself, Belbris
hired himself out as an apprentice to a smith. While under his service,
he forged (and borrowed) weapons enough to keep the zombies at bay while
never really killing them. He borrowed (without asking) his Master
Smith's book on the art of enchanting weapons.
Working hard to master his spells on afternoon, the halfling didn't
notice that night had fallen and that the zombies were nearing. One was
nearly upon him when the weapon he had been working on exploded in his
face. His hair was singed, but the light from the explosion had smote
the zombie in front of him. The other zombies fled from his might power
and Belbris confidently walked back home.
There, his master confronted him about the stolen book and kicked him
out. Not knowing in which direction his home lay, Belbris set out in an
easterly direction. There were many more magics waiting to be tried and
tested, and he had already wasted 14 years of his life.
"Look out world" he said, walking towards the rising moon. "Here I
********** TO BE CONTINUED **********
Scribed by Jyra
The Sentinel's Tail!
Now, I am not certain if we all have had the rumors, but, I heard from a
couple different sources that the Sentinel of the Iron Fist, Zarat, once
had a tail! A TAIL, I tell you, A TAIL! Now, it all started when someone
mentioned it to me from the shadows (I try not to disclose my sources).
Now, I happened to had forgotten it at that point in time, and never got
to ask Zarat, himself, about it... Then, just earlier today, I was
reminded about it, from someone within the shadows again. So I took it
into my hands to possibly ask Zarat about it. And I asked...
"Zarat, tell me about these rumors!?"
He quickly responded with "What rumors?" while raising his eyebrow in
I could tell he was hiding something so I demanded him to tell me! I
then stood on my tippy-toes to shout to get straight to the point,
"Zarat! The rumors of you once having a tail! A TAIL!"
He quickly then gasped... Shocked with what I have found out! He
responded with "What!? Those are not true, I never had one!" I, myself,
was not convinced! Its guilty till proven innocent, and he was peering
around himself, trying to look innocent! Realizing he has been caught
with a lie under his shirt, he left Serin immediately! I cannot be
fooled, for I am super, super smart. This has proven to myself, he once
did have a tail. Now, it is for all of us to find out the story behind
it, and why it is no more! Was he ashamed!? Did he not enjoy his past?!
Something when he was a child anger him to cut it off!? Find me those
details, to put this gossip to truth!
-Artos the Miniature Drunkard