The Serin Mystique, Volume 6, Issue 1
Literacy is not dead! Like a disgruntled farmer rudely woken by the cry1) Thoughts of a Drunken Bard (see thoughts1, thoughts2, thoughts3)
of that annoying rooster, we Heralds have risen and assembled to bring you
the 6th volume of the Serin Mystique. Thanks go to our resident immortal
Vanisse for contributing her insight in a few articles for this issue, and
to Noliperus Dag of the Mystics for his guest column. In addition to the
articles that just came off of the tops of our heads, we have the bloody
battle reports that I know you all crave, and the latest update on the
ongoing struggle amongst the cabals of Serin.
So what are you waiting for? Go ahead and take a 'look' at the following
2) An Ode to Stupidity (see stupidity)
3) Third Cross-Country Serin Race (see race)
4) Ask a Mystic (see ask)
5) A Taste of Serin: Bakery Edition (see taste)
6) Cabal Affairs from Up Above (see affairs)
7) Battles... Or just one... (see battle)
8) Obituaries (see obits)
1) Thoughts of a Drunken Bard
Thoughts of a Drunken Bard
What are we truly as mortals on this realm? Are we civilized? Are we
better than the beasts around us? If we are better than the creatures
around us, how is it that we are better? Maybe we are just as much
beasts as them? What would it take to admit that?
If we truly look into ourselves, I think we find that which we really
didn't want to see. Take for example when we are in the depths of
battle. During this time, we often find ourselves relying on rage and
feral instinct. What is that if it is not the beast within us trying to
come forth in our moments of weakness?
Perhaps we should spend less time trying to hide our feral side in our
music, our architecture, and our "culture" and spend more time
developing that nature into something that we can harness and use for
the good of not only ourselves but our society around us, for that is
the true test of whether we are just beasts... or only part beast.
Aedairgue the Drunken Bard.
So I was being my normal self just minding my own business and trying to
find some friends that I could go out and gain some ranks with. As
always, this is difficult and not any less this night.
I asked a ninja-ess, (well, it sounds better than ninja-ette), if she
would join me, but she immediately said no. After a little prodding, she
told me that she had been in a lot of pain recently. I couldn't figure
out what she was talking about, but the phrase died "a thousand deaths"
intrigued me so I continued to press her.
She told me finally that a "giant man of stone named Helgrath" was right
out to the south of Seringale. This Helgrath, I guess, was coming
towards the city and was likely going to find something to eat here.
So in other words, good citizens, I would be careful as you roam the
streets and don't let your guard down for an instant, because I'm afraid
that it's very possible that we could have a giant roaming our streets
looking to eat our children very shortly!
Aedairgue the Warning Voice
Leroy the Paladin. Many of us know him, but I believe that even many
more of us don't know him. Who is this little warrior? Why do you hear
his name screamed every once in a while in the middle of Seringale as
you're sitting there enjoying company or drinking a cool sip of a
Firstly, I believe that he's often misunderstood. After talking to him
earlier today, I feel that his heart is always in the right place, even
if his actions sometime run a little askew from the paladin guild's
One thing that's always puzzled me in the time that I've known him, is
why Leroy hasn't gotten stronger like so many other of his Paladin
guildmates. After a little hemming and hawing, I finally got the truth
out of him. Since he's not exactly always the most conscientious, the
guild has decided to not let him advance for a while so that he can be
kept a little bit under control.
Although it's too bad about this censure, I am just one citizen of
Seringale who most likely agrees that it's a good thing that this brave,
yet sometimes foolish Paladin, is no stronger and more potentially
destructive than he already is.
Aedairgue the Drunken Bard
2) An Ode to Stupidity
Stupidity in its many respects
Lately I have been exposed to high levels of Stupidity. It appears to
manifest most often when I am sitting alone, although companionship does
not seem a sufficient deterrent once the Stupid in question has latched
on and begun to spew. In fact, most recent Stupidities have come from
faraway messengers. I can only surmise that these unappealing little
devils have been sent after me by my many, many enemies in an attempt to
bring down the Great Evil.
There are several races of Stupid that I have encountered on my
extensive journeys, and I shall list them henceforth in an attempt to
open Serin's eyes to the dangers of Stupid. I shall also provide manners
in which to deal with said Stupids.
Stupid No. 1: The Beggar
It is a well-known fact that everyone hates beggars. Too often these
banes of Seringale crawl around, too lazy or inept to panhandle, instead
bemoaning their pathetic fates as targets for thieves and ninjas looking
for blackjack, backstab or assassination practice. Of late, there have
been several who - horror of horrors! - have learned a particularly
devastating chant, which can only be paraphrased as follows: "Me want
money! Me want things! Me me me!" The best way to respond to this is to
give them a useless item. It occurred to me that they might actually be
too stupid to understand the item, and therefore purple spotted pills
(prescribed under "magical superpower therapy") and herbs of
invincibility have proven quite useful. Vhrael, God of Justice and
Really Bad Pranks, has developed his own take on this by ruining
perfectly delicious chocolates by stuffing purple pills in them. Demon.
In the event this does not successfully drive them away, a well-placed
chicken transformation usually sends them packing.
Stupid No. 2: The Wino-Addict
Now, I must confess that I have done my own fair share in increasing the
population of winos in Serin society through carefully-planned
placements of absinthe fountains and timely songs of Intoxification.
However it is quite irritating when, on a lovely cloudless day, one is
accosted by a garrulous fiend with less grasp of the Serin common
language than a poorly-trained monkey. Even worse is when they are
simultaneously under the influence of the notorious Strange Cigar. One
can identify these Wino-Addicts by several proven methods: 1) Observe
their movement patterns. If weaving, quivering, or appearing perilously
close to pukage, grab your hat and RUN. 2) Ask them what day it is. If
they can't come up with the answer, are incoherent, or begin shouting a
rambling train of miserable gibberish, you'll have to distract them from
your presence with a lobbed Fireball. While they are putting out the
flames on their vomit-decorated shirts, hightail it out of there.
Alternatively, if you are lucky enough, garble will cause them to shut
up out of pure mortification. (This last one has a chance to misfire
since they are already speaking nonsensically, and might be too bombed
to know the difference.)
Stupid No. 3: The Whiner
I'm sure every one of you readers has encountered this substituent of
Stupid. In fact, it's quite hard to avoid them. These, like all
individuals, come in various flavors, including the "Vaniiiisse, someone
stole my paaaaants!" type, the "I want special things that I haven't
earned and I'm gonna annoy you till I get it!" type, and the "I'm just
too bored to do anything other than be obnoxious at you!" type. For the
first, I suggest providing them with a bed of nails: "Oh, it will be
much more comfortable given your current birthday-suit condition..." For
the second, a free, personalized lightning bolt. For the third, burning
in the pits of Hell sounds like a good idea. In fact, that's probably
where they came from, so they ought to be quite comfortable in the
3) Third Cross-Country Serin Race
The third Serin Race was held with several strong competitors. Here were their times:
Theoric - 6 minutes 10 seconds.
Narfak - 9 minutes 13 seconds.
Gizzeltu - 11 minutes 43 seconds.
Noliperus - 12 minutes 50 seconds.
Chauth - 14 minutes 47 seconds.
Thenindor - 16 minutes 44 seconds.
The winner of Race Three is Theoric!
4) Ask a Mystic
Ask a Mystic
Arcturian's cryptic marked blade is one of the most peculiar items in
all of Serin. Many travellers are familiar with items increasing their
damage capability or how nimbly they move, but this blade grants one
powers like none other. Unusual for a weapon, the blade gives a fair
amount of vitality and mana, and also mildly lessens the opponent's
protection from afflictive spells, but that is not where the blade's
interest lies. Infused with the very power of the elements, the cryptic
marked blade will cast a variety of spells. On occasion, the blade will
surround the wielder with a shield of fire or ice. This protection comes
at a price though. With similar frequency, the user will find themselves
struck by a lightning bolt, icicle, or flame arrow eminating from the
blade. The weapon itself only causes as much pain as a fiery dagger or
white bladed scimitar. The benefits, and costs, instead come from the
magic infused into the blade.
Written by Noliperus
5) A Taste of Serin: Bakery Edition
A Taste of Serin: Bakery Edition
Runya's bakery is probably the most accessible and well-known throughout
the lands for its convenient location. Her baked goods are not only
famous for being sold in Seringale, but they are also pretty good. One
item of note is the stinky piece of cheese, which, while it tastes awful
by itself for its intense, pungent flavor, is bearable and maybe even
good when taken a little at a time with bread.
Pols bakery, run by Polira the baker, is another accessible bakery,
although note to the extent of the one in Seringale. Since Yuram the
butcher is right across the street, you might consider getting some
sausage to go with your bread. If you eat meat, that is. Yuck.
Darkhaven is a port city, so much of its cuisine revolves around
seafood. Many of the grubby baker's foods have fish in them, which while
a blessing to seafood lovers, means there are not very many options for
us vegetarians. The Wayfarer's Cake, while a little bland, is very
filling and stays good for a long time.
I'd just like to point out that Valour has NO bakery. In fact, the only
place where you can get food that I found is at the butcher's.
Apparently lightwalkers are a bunch of carnivorous animals.
Not many people know about the bakery in this place, and honestly,
there's not much reason to come here unless you're a gnome. The skeein
bread, as they call it, is good to eat, but it comes in gnome-sized
portions. A full- grown human would have to eat many loaves before
Make sure you pay a visit to Cookie's Cookies, the premier cookie bakery
in Serin. Although cookies are never a good nutritional replacement for
an actual meal, they are very tasty. Well worth the short hike through
- Sifia Arborshate
6) Cabal Affairs from Up Above
Cabal Affairs from Above
From up here, here's what looks like what's happening:
There are a lot of them. A couple don't do anything but pick their
toenails with twigs and braid the tails on the Castle ponies. The rest
take their daily amusement by stealing the Legion skull for shits and
giggles, or run around preventing Legion from regaining it if it has
already been hidden away in their hidey hole. Which brings us to:
Sadly, it's been awhile since anything of note has happened in regards
to the Legion Army. Other than the occasional beatdown the three, newly
four have managed to acquire only a handful of ranks between them.
Whatever the Knights are doing, it's working. Those toenail clippings
are hellishly deadly.
I've only ever seen Jorunn do anything useful. But then I might just be
missing the others in action... I have had drinking and singing contests
with Miryce. You'll have to find someone else to report on everyone
Well, Noliperus contributed an article, so they must be doing
We're writing, we're writing! Currently our members are Sifia
Arborshate, Desidsceon, and Raktan. And me, but I don't count.
7) Battles... Or just one...
A semi-interesting battle
Today Noctezza was chased by both a Legion and a Knight at the same
time. Keira was battling Narfak at the time that Noctezza arrived.
Apparently, being Anathema and Contracted at the same time is NOT a good
idea, because both opponents turned and attacked her as she attempted to
join in the fray.
To even the battle, Keira transported Noctezza to the Castle Dungeon,
whereupon she chased the hapless Outcast every which way. Noctezza
retained her wits enough to escape from the Dungeons and fled across the
Once Noctezza had toddled off, Keira and Narfak went back at each other
as Narfak tried to regain his skull. Although he managed to kill the
Holy Knight, Keira snatched up the item and restored it when he
returned. Eventually Keira killed him, and left him to ponder whether or
not he should try to regain it again all by his lonesome. Instead, he
In the meanwhile I wrote this note and bemoaned my lack of gnomes.
Recently, a great hero departed these lands forever. He was one of the
most respected members of the Knights of Valour, and even served as
Executor for a while. Admired by lightwalkers and loathed by evildoers
everywhere, Thenindor Faelthand had made quite a name for himself in the
realms. His service to Valour began during a period of darkness, when
the Legion seemed to be dominating the lands, and the previous
generation of Knights had been all but obliterated under the advance of
the Legion's Forsaken, Lothgar. Yet, in these dark times, Thenindor
persevered as a Knight and played a great part in resurrecting the
Knights as a powerful force in Serin. His promotions came rapidly, and
his period as Executor will be remembered as a very light-dominated era.
In fact, some may say that he did his job too well, as the Legion
suffered the same pitiable state that the Knights were in when Thenindor
was first squired. Still, the calm, serious, and somewhat taciturn elf
served his post admirably until his departure.
Less recently, another former Executor of Valour passed away, Enyeldar
the Holy Knight. He also joined the Knights of Valour at the same era as
Thenindor, fighting through the difficult odds that stood before the
Knights. He made it to pinnacle, unlike many other Knights who tried and
failed. Although towards the end of his life, he did not show up for
duty for quite a while, he was a dependable soldier during his time of
service. Again, he was not as legendary in battle as Thenindor, but he
was respectable nonetheless, at least enough to become the first
Executor of that new generation of Knights.